Old Me Hold Me

Yesterday night I’ve made such a wrong, wrong decision. At noon I and my friends met and we switched some photo files of our trip to Yogya back then. When I rechecked them again at home, I’m checking other old photos as well, thinking that it will bring back lots of good memories but hell how I was so wrong.

Most of the photos that I managed to go through with were the photos I took back then in Japan, both when I did some traveling alone or together with my friends.

I’m just amazed that how can I laugh so sincerely, considering how shitty my days back then.

My often solo trip to One Piece Museum, which I've been eyeing for for forever. 

Strolling around Harajuku with my friend, Shelley, whom I missed so much.

Disneyland. Shelley. Argh.

Damn happy skinny bitch. Not my boyfriend fyi.

Gunma with this guy. Not my boyfriend also. At some point I wish, tho.

Korea, alone.

Hongkong, alone as well. Crayzy bithz is cray.

The more I browse some photos the more frustrated I've become.

I think I’m just missing my old, carefree self, that’s all. And I pitied myself for this.

Considering I’m gonna be in my end of 20s now, it’s just that being “carefree” comes with a lot of responsibilities afterwards.

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“I want to travel somewhere far away; however I need to save as well.”

“I want to quit my work and try to do some new things, however in my age right now I’m not in a place where I can be “explorative” anymore.”

“I’m ok with being single and carefree however somehow I need to settle down at one point, at least for the sake of my parents.”

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These excuses have never been in my head when I’m on my early 20s, however lately these thoughts start to creep in and somehow I have no power to fight them. I feel like I ran out of time.

Somehow I wonder if anyone’s feel the same…

H A P P Y

Just realized this morning that I’ve only had 2 posts on my 2018 blog archive, and it saddened me a bit because I remember that each week of 2018, I kept reminding myself to update my blog frequently however I seem can’t find even a just a little time to do this. I realize that my blog has not been my priority, at least until now.

Just recently I really miss writing some thoughts in my not-so-secret blog; a place to keep my memories present in a web somewhere where people can also enjoy what I’m feeling about. Being vlogger or youtuber seems to be more promising these days however blogging will always be my sanity place, where I can keep ranting and talking via keyboard and keep me mentally stable.

But now welcoming 2019, I think I will start to write again, somehow. To remind myself that my blog is all compilations of what I truly enjoy and makes me happy, and updating it makes me happy. 

Happiness even from the simplest form.

Just like this socks that I wore this morning.

From the book that I’ve read: The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, she said that one way to make yourself happy is to spend – money-wise, can be - but more of like, use all the cute notes that you keep tucking away for collections, all the nice accessories that you saved for “later”, postcards which were usually kept on the folder, and so on.

Those things make you happy, so why not use it?

- and so I’ve thought this morning.

So I decided to use my Totoro socks that my brother gave me months ago – which I’ve been saving for “later”.

To a happier me, and no more "later", in 2019.

Where Do You Put Your Faith On?

Note: This time post's talk will be heavy on Christianity. Do pass or read if you're interested :)

I had a direct hit on my point of view today, as I was being reminded about my faith.

I went to my church today, and the one that tell us the sermon was not the pastor, however it was one of us, a senior that often shares some light sermon if there were none of the pastor were available that day (I attended teenage community service, not the main Sunday service thus explains the pastor's abstinence once or twice in some period).

However one thing funny is the words from my senior is somehow far more impactful rather than the usual sermon.

Today's talk is about faith, starting from the story of Lazarus, who was brought to life by Jesus. There are 2 major points that teach me a lot today.

First point that hit me hard was this verse from John 11:40, which state ”Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” 

Somehow we as human believe something AFTER we see some facts, and based on the facts that appear in our eye, we conclude future events that come after it, thus we believe that future events will happen. 

For example we have studied so hard and we believe that we will pass the test.  

We see, then we believe. However, Jesus told us to BELIEVE FIRST, then we will SEE (His Glory). That's the whole point of faith, believing something that didn't even appear in the human eyes. Worst talk, even some people who have seen the miracle of Jesus who brought Lazarus to life again, didn't believe in Him and even planned to kill Him (verse 53)

This point continues onto the second point of the sermon that is significant to me.

Continued from the first point, my senior tell us one story, that her workplace is an organization that focuses on taking care of people with disability, which most of them usually can't talk and can't walk. One day, there was a visit from teachers from Malaysia which they come to do some studies and sharing, and during their prayers together these Malaysian teacher said that "they have faith that all of this people with disabilities will talk and walk again someday!". However surprisingly my senior's teacher (Indonesian) were skeptical about that statement and said that that statement as "cliche".

So, her question is, which one of the teacher shows more faith? I thought it was so clear, the Malaysian teacher has the most faith, isn't it?

However she said that, the faith between those 2 teacher was very different.

The Malaysian teacher faith was on WHAT: she believe that the disabled children on that organization will walk and talk. It was the result they focused on.

However, the Indonesian teacher's faith were focused on WHO: they believe that Jesus, is The One that will make the condition of the disabled be a tool to glorify His name, even though maybe they will not walk and talk at all until the end of their life. 

It was a simple comparison yet it changed my whole point of view about faith.

BLIND DEVOTION to God is something that we have to shift our point of view. I realize that most of the time I put my faith in results; like, I believe that I will get a better job someday, will be more stable financially someday and blah blah, however I often forget to believe that God will make my life to be the tool of His Glory despite of any sh*t that happens in my life. Again, it's not WHAT we put our faith on, but WHO. Believe, and we will see, not vice versa.

And that's the end of the sermon session.

Confusing topics, I know, but I just have to write it.

I hope the short summary about what my daily bread today will become an eye opener to you guys who took some time to read. I knew I'm not the expert of re-writing sermons onto a short blog-style daily devotion, but at least I can share bits of life-changing moment to whomever find this, well, life changing too.

Happy Sunday, may God always be with us and see you on the next post!

Yolanda

My First Post Back in JA-KAR-TA

I remember every time I try to update my blog, the first thing that popped on my mind was about how I should consider writing more regularly, as I knew deep within that I’ll be updating my blog with longer and longer span between each post. I tried to promise myself but somehow updating a blog is as difficult as tidying up my life!

Such a long time since my last post on my blog. Reviewed it again and the last post that I uploaded was early of July last year! OMG. It has been 7 months ago and so much have been happening on the last 7 month, definitely. Several significant events happened on that period that I can share were:

1. Finally fully resign from my company in Japan and managed to pass all of those good-bye parties safe and sound (it was quite tiring for an introvert like me), while I
2. Manage to clear out my moving process from Japan to Indonesia too. It was such an exhausting process as so many steps have to be done such as selling stuffs, clearing my bank account, unregistering my utilities, packing and sending boxes, make reports on ward office, and everything else even I still couldn’t believe I passed all of those stuff alone.
3. While in the meantime before I went back Jakarta, I managed to travel to Seoul for around 10 days alone,
4. And checking my list for visiting Hokkaido too, alone!! And then I finally
5. Move back for good to Jakarta and adapt quite well; still hate the traffic jam though,
6. Manage to settle my tiny nail business, well, even though so far open for close families and friends,
7. Manage to get a job here in Jakarta; which I’m not sure yet whether it’s the one that I want to do for the rest of my career, but  it gave me a good chance to learn and grow,, and finally,
8. Passed 2016 safe and sound (since my hectic period on moving and resignation stuff, all I want to do at that time do is only get to pass 2016 peacefully in my apartment balcony back home in Jakarta, and it came true naturally. Hahaha.

I have to admit 2016 was not my best year and it was the most exhausting year of my life hands down, however I’m very grateful for it. It was exhausting, but it was fulfilling. I knew how far my limit is, and I learn to be grateful and feel content of what I already have.

However, adapting back to Jakarta’s lifestyle is no joke.

At first it was so nice, all of the friends and family, no more lonely times, everyone was there for you, and it’s like happily ever after. It’s like everything that I ever wanted when I’m in Japan came true in a flash.  However there will always be times when I’m missing what I had in Japan that I miss the most: the freedom of doing everything alone; the way I want, anytime.

I miss my freedom to do everything alone. I miss traveling alone. It was so easy to go just everywhere on my off day. I can go museums alone, go aquarium alone, exhibitions alone. I can go out of town alone, came back late alone, or maybe drink with one best friend until late, and it was safe for me to go back home very late. I miss all of that.

In Jakarta?? Nahhh. When I went out with my friends even just a little bit late, everyone as in my family will tell me to go home asap. I knew they are worried about my safety and I realize that too, since Jakarta’s safety is quite bad, but sometimes it provoke my annoyance, however on the other hand I can’t complain much about that. IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME TO HAVE MY OWN TIME HERE.

Actually the longing of freedom was so bad until at one point I realize that there will be no end to what I want unless I feel content about it. When you had freedom, you want a connection to people around you. When you got people protecting you, you miss your freedom. I went to Japan, but I wanted to go back to Jakarta, but when I’m in Jakarta, I really wanted to go back Japan. There will be no end of this unless I can sit down, try to pause a while and stop thinking about moving forward.

Sometimes I feel that that maaaybe what I really need was only a looong holiday for me from all of the accumulated stress in Japan? But I’m already here anyway. And I believe everything happen for a reason too.

What I can and have to do right now is just to live, enjoy the presence, and be content of what I have. I knew I’m still adapting, but I believe I can make it somehow, and everything will be better onward.

And I have to catch up with some friends that I haven’t met too for several years... (I’m running away from socializing too long already!)

To perk things up a little bit, maybe I will post about my trip to Korea and Hokkaido last time… For the sake of lighting up my travel spirit and routine blog post too!!

See you on my next post!!

Blue Bottle Coffee Aoyama

On my previous day off I finally got a chance to visit the famous second Blue Bottle shop located in a very stylish district which is in Aoyama, Tokyo.

For those who didn't know at all about this famous coffee chain store story, to make long story short, Blue Bottle Coffee is known as a coffee shop with vintage brewing machines and artisanal coffee as their major selling points. 

Their first store is in California and since then they developed so fast mainly famous in LA, NYC, and these several days, 2 shops opened in Tokyo.

As the drip-style coffee is very famous in Tokyo from the start, the Blue Bottle Coffee's launching here are soon catching people's heart.

As the cafe is located on the second floor, without the big sign of the famous Blue Bottle logo in the front, it's kinda easy to miss.

Entering the main door, the delish smell of coffee AND the crowds are a little bit of a surprise for me.

However one look I just fell in love by how they make everything simple and clean; from the stylish cafe design, fast service flow, and not to mention their coffee menu is very easy to understand too.

Took the store's layout photos from my seat on the back while enjoying the coffee.

I've tried their Iced Americano and indeed it was good. However unfortunately It was not their best selling one, I suppose. Their best selling one should be the drip coffee and kind of regretted not ordering that one instead.

Finish with my coffee (and about 1 hour plus long talk with my friend), we decided to go and before that of course we didn't forget to take a slight look on their accessories spot near the main door.

They sell their fresh coffee bean plus all the accesories from mugs to bags. All of course with the famous Blue Bottle logo imprinted there.

Kinda wanting the coffee mug there!

Overall it was such a great visit for me. The crowd (that kinda bothers me, not to mention it was Tuesday) was another thing but their coffee brewery, staff service and cafe's nuance it was all perfect. 

It will soon entering autumn and while the temperature keep dropping these days I've thought of making another visit here and tried their drip hot coffee for sure! I hope my next visit will be better and much better!! 

How to be a Good Customer for Dummies 101

I work in a retail company and in the most cursed department ever in retail company: Sales. Retail job sucks. Sales department in retail, is sucker than sucks. It's all result, everything you've worked hard for "supposed to be reflected" on the sales report. In the end, we talk sales. we breath sales. we think sales. maybe we even poo sales. 

Beside sales, the number two most annoying thing about working in store is how do you interact with customer. and I know you all fellow retail worker on sales department feeling, bro fist. Customer can be as kind as angels or, as annoying as Lord Voldemort.  

The more we are in contact with customer, the more of little things annoyed us.

Here, I try to represent all the retail worker complain from a shop assistant pov about customer. And hey, you, customer-ean who read this article, no offense, but yeah, this is what several of you did to us. And we kindly ask you to understand our POV. Mutual benefit, right???

For example:

1. If you ask for a stock of one item, don’t expect us to find it in 3 minutes. We got a (usually) messed and boxed up warehouse back there, and it takes us quite time and energy to remove all the boxes, take your items, and put all the scrambled boxes in the place again for God sake. Expect 10 minutes.
2. Even if you change your mind while we’re out of searching for stocks, at least tell another shop assistant that you’ll leave so we won’t have to search you like mad in the store. It’s annoying.
3. Put things back on where they belong. Don’t have to be so neat is ok, it helps us a lot.
4. Some of the complicated things we have to do even it takes your time, is just a decided procedure from our store. For example procedure for sending things, building furniture, etc. We’re not wasting your time, we only do our work. So please don’t be grumpy if it takes a little bit of your time.
5. Take off your earphone when you pay for your things in register. Sometimes we have to ask a robotic question like, do you have point card or something and we are SO PISSED if we have to repeat it several times just because you’re in the middle of hearing good music. We repeat this entire question like more than 50 times a day dude. Give us a break.
6. If you want to just pay and leave at register, at least give us time to count your money first whether it’s the exact amount or not. Don’t just throw away your money and go. First, we’re not vending machine. Second, if your money is not enough and you left already, we’re fucked up.
7. And in reverse, it is okay to take your time in register during payment. Taking out money, putting in the receipt etc. Actually, we quite don’t care as long as it doesn’t take sooo long.
8. Don’t expect us to be 100% perfect of everything. Knowing every single bit section of things, 100% perfect register machine operation, etc. Sometimes it takes us time too to learn, especially the newcomer.
9. A smile on us on register, say “thank you” or a little bit of kindness will boost up our mood for a whole day.
10. Customers always win. We’re not even defended by our manager (most of the time). So, do us a little bit of favor by holding back unneeded anger or complaint for yourself (unless our services like really, really sucks).

And the list still go on though. Can't write it all here.

But hey, fellow retail worker! please share too your complain about customer below!! I'm very interested to hear all of unthinkable POV that maybe I have never experienced before!!

I

A New Me

I have never had any thought that I will start this blog again. It’s been, like, around 9 months of hibernation and I remember so well last time I wrote and promise to myself that I will keep blogging whatever happens, and now, here I am again. And I hope don’t need to repeat that promise cause I’m afraid the same things will happen again.

Looking at the past posts make me realize that how happy and full of hope I was at that time, around, 9 months ago.

I love my life.

Good things always happen to me. Well. Most of it.

Have perfect happy family.

I get a good job, especially in Japan, a country which I have been longing to go for ages.  

I am perfect.

And then shit happens. Like, literally a ton of pile of shit called LIFE and REALITY bumped into your face and here I am!

I never have been alive until now.

So many things happened and I thought more or less change me the way I am now, and I cannot go back to the same person I was before 1 year ago. I didn’t say that having a lot of shit coming into your life change you in a bad way, but, I learn THE MOST during MY HARDEST TIME I had so far. I learned that:

• Maybe there will always be times when you keep saying to yourself, “Why all this things happened to me? I didn’t deserve it”. Then you just realized that bad things happen not for your whole life, but only a part of it for the sake of making a stronger you. Be stronger, or give up, it’s your own choice. And I choose not to give up.
• So many, many times I went home crying (office problem), sit on my front door hall dozing, don’t know what to do. And there’s just one day it never happen again. It just stopped. My tears just went dry. Now I know this “You ever know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have” quote is very true. Kudos for this. 
• I realized that I work on the shittiest job category ever, retail. Where your manager never believes you and whether there’s a complaint from customer, it must be or fault. But that’s fine. I don’t really care. At least I got one skill improvement, customer service. Not in a bad way though.
• Everywhere you go, whatever job you do, there always be one shitty senior that always see your fault. And I learned how to close my eyes over this. My time is too important to bother with something that I cannot change.
• Family is everything. They know everything about you that your best-est friend won’t know (unless you tell them).
• Birthday is meant to be celebrated. This year’s birthday marked as the worst birthday for me. I got scolded so heavily by my boss, nobody in office know my birthday, only one person that I know here congrats me (after I tell him how sad my day is and it’s my birthday, worst of all). Even though my fam and best friends congrats me and all, but, it feels so far away, there’s no special feeling. Aaaand my birthday just passed by. 10 min before my birthday end, I cried. The special day that is meant to be only for me feeling special, just pass by without any meaning, and that hurts like hell.
• You can’t say you depressed if you can post it on Facebook. Duh.
• There will be no home like your first home in your own country. With your family in it. What makes it “home”, is “family”, not all the lavish furniture, comfy bed, etc. For me, how good my life is here, it’s very lonely without my family.
• Opportunist will always be around you. I got this one person from my university who knows me just by my name, we never talk at all. He knows I’m working in Japan so there’s one day suddenly he messaged me, act friendly and asked me a favor about Japan and stuffs. Hey dude. Are you crazy? Have a little shame, please.
• Language barrier can suck your life up. From miscommunication, problem for entering a circle of friends, and losing hope. I’m grateful I have several close friends here who helped me through all the lonely state here. One of my colleagues just gave up this job in Japan because she feels “too lonely” and I’ve just realized that loneliness can be a reason for someone to give up. Bang! Hit me on the face.
• People will always have opinion, whatever you do. So, just f*ck them and wear anything you want, eat anything you want, chase a dream you want. It’s your life and when you’re success already, it’s your life they want. Punch them in the face.

Aaaaannnndddd the list will continue forever and forever and forever if I don’t stop here. All I wanna say is, I have passed that shittiest period of my life, I guess, and I’m ready to enjoy my journey once again. I will never know in the future whether my life will be harder nor easier but that’s the exciting part, I guess. Either you will be stronger, or happier, or both! J

I’m so grateful for what happened to me these 22 years so far, and can’t wait for the next adventure that awaits.

And I will try to share all the happy things here. Not the bad things… Can I?