A New Me

I have never had any thought that I will start this blog again. It’s been, like, around 9 months of hibernation and I remember so well last time I wrote and promise to myself that I will keep blogging whatever happens, and now, here I am again. And I hope don’t need to repeat that promise cause I’m afraid the same things will happen again.

Looking at the past posts make me realize that how happy and full of hope I was at that time, around, 9 months ago.

I love my life.

Good things always happen to me. Well. Most of it.

Have perfect happy family.

I get a good job, especially in Japan, a country which I have been longing to go for ages.  

I am perfect.

And then shit happens. Like, literally a ton of pile of shit called LIFE and REALITY bumped into your face and here I am!

I never have been alive until now.

So many things happened and I thought more or less change me the way I am now, and I cannot go back to the same person I was before 1 year ago. I didn’t say that having a lot of shit coming into your life change you in a bad way, but, I learn THE MOST during MY HARDEST TIME I had so far. I learned that:

• Maybe there will always be times when you keep saying to yourself, “Why all this things happened to me? I didn’t deserve it”. Then you just realized that bad things happen not for your whole life, but only a part of it for the sake of making a stronger you. Be stronger, or give up, it’s your own choice. And I choose not to give up.
• So many, many times I went home crying (office problem), sit on my front door hall dozing, don’t know what to do. And there’s just one day it never happen again. It just stopped. My tears just went dry. Now I know this “You ever know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have” quote is very true. Kudos for this. 
• I realized that I work on the shittiest job category ever, retail. Where your manager never believes you and whether there’s a complaint from customer, it must be or fault. But that’s fine. I don’t really care. At least I got one skill improvement, customer service. Not in a bad way though.
• Everywhere you go, whatever job you do, there always be one shitty senior that always see your fault. And I learned how to close my eyes over this. My time is too important to bother with something that I cannot change.
• Family is everything. They know everything about you that your best-est friend won’t know (unless you tell them).
• Birthday is meant to be celebrated. This year’s birthday marked as the worst birthday for me. I got scolded so heavily by my boss, nobody in office know my birthday, only one person that I know here congrats me (after I tell him how sad my day is and it’s my birthday, worst of all). Even though my fam and best friends congrats me and all, but, it feels so far away, there’s no special feeling. Aaaand my birthday just passed by. 10 min before my birthday end, I cried. The special day that is meant to be only for me feeling special, just pass by without any meaning, and that hurts like hell.
• You can’t say you depressed if you can post it on Facebook. Duh.
• There will be no home like your first home in your own country. With your family in it. What makes it “home”, is “family”, not all the lavish furniture, comfy bed, etc. For me, how good my life is here, it’s very lonely without my family.
• Opportunist will always be around you. I got this one person from my university who knows me just by my name, we never talk at all. He knows I’m working in Japan so there’s one day suddenly he messaged me, act friendly and asked me a favor about Japan and stuffs. Hey dude. Are you crazy? Have a little shame, please.
• Language barrier can suck your life up. From miscommunication, problem for entering a circle of friends, and losing hope. I’m grateful I have several close friends here who helped me through all the lonely state here. One of my colleagues just gave up this job in Japan because she feels “too lonely” and I’ve just realized that loneliness can be a reason for someone to give up. Bang! Hit me on the face.
• People will always have opinion, whatever you do. So, just f*ck them and wear anything you want, eat anything you want, chase a dream you want. It’s your life and when you’re success already, it’s your life they want. Punch them in the face.

Aaaaannnndddd the list will continue forever and forever and forever if I don’t stop here. All I wanna say is, I have passed that shittiest period of my life, I guess, and I’m ready to enjoy my journey once again. I will never know in the future whether my life will be harder nor easier but that’s the exciting part, I guess. Either you will be stronger, or happier, or both! J

I’m so grateful for what happened to me these 22 years so far, and can’t wait for the next adventure that awaits.

And I will try to share all the happy things here. Not the bad things… Can I?